Friday, October 7, 2011

Be not afraid, I go before you always...

With all of Max's heart issues he did not receive a circumcision when he was born. I really struggled with whether or not go through with it or not. I consulted friends with boys to make sure everyone was still doing this. I talked to Dr. Bree and she gave me stats about the different races and trends with circumcision. Ultimately, the argument that made the most sense was that it was a lot easier to do it when they are younger and you would hate for him to be 12 and asking to have it done. We were concerned about putting him through one more thing, but our cardiologist suggested that this would be the best time. He referred us to a pediatric surgeon to have the procedure done. The pediatric surgeon came out to the the Cy-Fair Texas Children's location and we met for a consultation. He said that this would be pretty routine and he had already spoken to our cardiologist about having it done. It was a Monday and he said that we could get it done Friday at a outpatient surgery care center. The outpatient center refused to allow the procedure with all of Max's conditions, so we waited a week and were scheduled for a Friday at pediatric surgery at Texas Children's. Friday came and we made our way down to Texas Children's. Max had to be NPO (Latin for nil per os or nothing by mouth) after 11pm and the procedure was at 1:00. The pediatric surgeon asked us before the procedure if we were nervous and I said, "Well I'm always nervous when it comes to this little guy." The surgeon said he wasn't nervous at all. Famous last words. We waited for about 30 minutes and to be honest I was second guessing everything. I was a mess. Finally the doctor came out to the waiting room and said everything was great and that Max was a little upset, but he should be good. Then I could hear my sweet boy screaming. A little upset!? It was the worst screams I have ever heard from him and my heart sank. Why? Why did I put him through this? I took him from the nurse and he was inconsolable. I thought that feeding him would help, but he refused food. We couldn't stay in the waiting room because he was disturbing everyone around. We decided to go outside to try to calm him down before we drove home. That didn't seem to help either. Finally, I decided that maybe we should just try to drive home. Edgar was in a separate car because he left from work to meet us. Max cried the all the way home. When we got home, as we were taking him out of his car seat, we noticed blood on his shirt. We rushed him back to the changing table to check his diaper and as we laid him down I could see the blood through the diaper. What was going on? We opened it and he was covered in blood. Not just a little. A lot. I was terrified. I began shaking and I didn't know what to do. I kept saying, "Who do we call!? Who do we call!?" I ran to the computer to look up the surgeon's number and Edgar came behind me and said, "Let's just go up to the pediatrician's office since it's right around the corner." We didn't even think. We didn't even put him in the car seat. Edgar held him as I drove the 2 minutes to the pediatrician's office. Not the smartest parenting, but we were out of sorts. When we arrived to the office, my hands and legs were shaking. It was the worst fear I have ever had in my life. They put us in the triage room and a nurse came in immediately to help us. She charted as we spoke and went to get Dr. Patel immediately. He came in and looked at Max and then said he was going to call the surgeon. I just began to pray. I was so afraid to lose him and maybe it was an overreaction, but seeing your son bleeding the way he was, terrified me. A friend texted to check on us and I briefly said, "pray everything did not go according to plan." Dr. Patel came back in and said we needed to go back to Texas Children's immediately. I left to get the car seat, and on the way called Dr. Bree. She told me that if it was a lot of blood he might need a transfusion and to be prepared to stay over night. We drove all the way back in traffic to Texas Children's. At this point, Max had calmed down some and his color was good, so I knew that his blood loss would probably not warrant a transfusion. We arrived and the surgeon took him back again. I had to leave. I couldn't sit there and watch my son cry again. I went down to the milk bank to pump. Just as I returned, the surgeon was talking with Edgar and he said that Max had been stitched up. He explained that Max's blood pressure probably rose too high and it busted the circumcision. He said thankfully, a piece of skin fell over the blood vessels and stopped the bleeding, but it wouldn't have stayed like that forever. He was very apologetic and said that normally, at this age, they preform these procedures in the OR with total anesthesia. He mentioned the risks for Max being in the OR and with total anesthesia, so he thought he could do it in office with local anesthesia. He gave us his cell phone number and told us to call him if anything happened. The next morning he called to check in with us. The following morning, Dr. Patel called to also check on him.

I firmly believe that luck of his skin falling over the blood vessels was not luck at all. Once again, the power of prayer rescued us. I felt the Lord's presence when I was a wreck in triage, just after texting my friend. A sudden rush of peace came over me. I looked at Max and he evened smiled.

"Be not afraid, I go before you always. Come follow me, and I will give you rest."

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