Friday, May 9, 2014

Max's songs

We made a middle of the night ER run Wednesday night because Max had croup and was having trouble breathing. Croup is scary stuff. He was gasping for air and started sweating because he was trying so hard to breathe. He was retracting so bad we were pretty worried and decided to head to the ER. Through all of it, he wasn't turning blue, so I knew he was still getting good circulation but I was praying hard for his guardian angel to protect him. Texas Children's has its Main Campus in the medical center and it also has another location sort of closer to us. We opted to not go to the Main Campus because we've witnessed how crazy their ER can be. It was a wise choice because we were in and out of the ER in about 2.5 hours. They gave him a steroid, some medicine, took a chest x-ray, and we were on our way. The ER doctor was incredible and our nurse was AMAZING. I just can't say enough about Texas Children's. It blows me away every time. On the way home Max randomly started singing these lyrics from a Ryan Stevenson song:

Jesus, I don't want anything coming in between you and me.
Jesus, it doesn't matter what I have to go through.
I'm holding nothing back, nothing back from you.

Ironically, that song also talks about a broken heart. This is the third time we've either left an appointment or a procedure and Max breaks in to song. After his catheter in December he started singing:

Jesus loves me! This I know, 

For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong; 
They are weak, but He is strong.

After our appointment in February, he started singing these lyrics from Colton Dixon:

If I had no voice, if I had no tongue
I would dance for You like the rising sun
And when that day comes and I see Your face
I will shout Your endless, glorious praise.

At this appointment we were fully anticipating that the doctors would schedule his next surgery. But at the end of the appointment, Dr. Kyle told us that he looked better that day than he did six months ago in August. He said he had no medical explanation for it. Surgery has been put off and we don't have to go back until this August. 

Thursday I was pretty tired from basically pulling an all nighter, but I kept thinking about all these songs that Max sings. He inspires me so much. It could be that this is all coincidence, but I choose not to look at it that way. God is in complete control of Max's life and all of his circumstances. This I know for sure. And God is constantly winking at me and sometimes smacking me in the face to remind me to just let go and TRUST. 

Sunday, May 4, 2014

Max turns 3!

Dear Max,

I just can't believe it. You are 3! We celebrated with a lot of friends and family, a bounce house, pizza, and a Lightning McQueen cake. You had so much fun. In the past, you didn't like bounce houses much but you were able to get in there and bounce before all your guests arrived and you decided that you loved it. I even went down the slide with you!

You amaze me everyday, Max. You love to play with your cars and with your blocks. You build intricate race tracks, houses, and towers. You love to play with legos and build all kinds of imaginary places and cars. You go to school two days a week and you absolutely love it. Your teachers say that you play so hard that you are always the first one to go down for nap. Must be nice for them because you don't want to take naps for me anymore. You absolutely love to sing and dance. You can sing "Life is a Highway," "I want to see you be Brave," and almost ALL of the songs from Frozen. What I absolutely LOVE about you, Max, is how thoughtful you can be. You often tell me without prompting things like, "Thank you Mom for cooking dinner," and "Thank you Mom for my party. It was a lot of fun." It melts my heart. You also tell me that you love me to the Milky Way and back because that seems farther than the moon. Such charm! Sometimes you get frustrated and yell and scream when I put you in time out, but you always end up telling me that you love me. You love to play with Clare. You share a room with her in our little house and I love listening in on your conversations before bed. One day when Clare was sad about school, you told her that you loved her and who cares what other people say. I was so proud! When Clare is at swim practice, you don't even want to play on the play ground because you want to watch sissy swim. You sit patiently by the pool and cheer her on. You ask me all sorts of silly questions like, "What if you had 5 arms mommy?" and I just have to laugh.

Recently you asked about the big scar that runs down the front of your chest. I told you it was your zipper because sometimes doctors have to open it and look at your heart. You were so brave when I told you that. You asked me why they just couldn't use the machine (the echo cardiogram) to look at your heart. Such a problem solver! We haven't talked about your upcoming surgery this year because I don't really have the words to tell you. The truth is, I'm not sure I'm as brave as you Max. You are becoming so much more aware that there is something different about you, but you never seem to let it stop you. You always want to race and you run and run your little lungs out. It really inspires me.

Mr. Man, I love you so much. You inspire and push me everyday. You are perfect inside and out, and I can't wait to see what the next year brings!