Tuesday, September 4, 2012

"But she will be saved through motherhood..."

Ok, I officially feel pregnant! Maybe it's the not so kind reminders I have received from complete strangers asking me if I'm due in a couple of weeks. Ha! How about December? And no, I'm not having twins. Just one precious baby boy and I promise he is not scheduled for arrival until December 7th. I've really had to work hard on biting my sarcastic tongue with those comments. The other comment I have received from people who are familiar with Max's heart condition, but maybe not so familiar with me, is, "I can't believe you're having more children in spite of everything you've been through! Surely, you will be done with having children after this one." To this comment I usually reply, why not have more children?

Ten years ago, if you would have told me that I was going to be a stay-at-home mom with 3 kids by the time I was 28, I would have laughed in your face. I never imagined this path for my life. I always thought I would have a career and maybe the national average of 2.2 kids and that was it. I always thought I would be a working mom. But that was the problem, I was only considering what I wanted for my life. As soon as I wised up to what God wanted for my life, I found an incredible peace and incredible joy.

I can remember the day when I had this epiphany. I was in confession with Father John and I was confessing how angry I was at work and how my anger would often come out at home as well. He asked me very pointedly, "It's obvious that you have been called to be a wife, and it's obvious that you have been called to be a mother, but have you been called to be a teacher?" Well, I don't know. You see, I prayed about my vocation to be married before I had even met Edgar and pretty frequently while we were dating. I prayed about becoming a mother when I was pregnant with our first child, Clare. But I'm not sure that I ever sat down and asked God about becoming a teacher. The next week at school, I informed my principal that I wasn't coming back next year.

I had no vision of this path for my life, but God did. And by saying yes to my vocation as a mother, and not trying to balance anything else, I have received so much joy. Looking back 10 years at the person I used to be, it's a good thing this is where I am. I was so selfish, and self-centered, and arrogant and my pride was always in my way. I am by no means magically cured of all these traits by having children, but I feel like with each child, God is cleaning up the messiness that used to be inside of me. When I continue to say yes to my vocation, by being open to life, God blesses me abundantly and shows me more of the life He intended for me. And it is so incredibly beautiful! So I will continue to be open to more children. After all, why not?

"But she will be saved through motherhood,
provided women persevere in faith and love and holiness,
with self control." 1 Timothy 2:15

No comments:

Post a Comment